what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
