I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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