Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just pee around me
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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