Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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