You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
