Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
