Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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