So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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