we're blogging at a bar
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
