they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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