I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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