ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
