Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I didn't notice because vodka
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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