We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
