I'm going to jail i love you
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
