you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
