Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
