ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
In America we eat man semen.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
