There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
