Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
