Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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