apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
