I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
