from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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