New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
