I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
