He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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