I wannas sexs uuuuu
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you never un-have a 4some
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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