drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
