The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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