so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
