i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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