Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
