look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
