Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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