How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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