he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
