Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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