im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
