My liver just broke up with me...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
