Got a toothbrush?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
