he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
barbara walters just said penis...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
