cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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