is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
