Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
