Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
