nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
