The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
