did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
