your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just saw a hot homeless man
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
