We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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