Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
