No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
