This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm always down for nudity.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
