Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
